The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant, Part 2: The Key to the Prison

In the previous post, we looked at a parable Jesus told in Matthew 18:23-35. Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus answered, “No, Peter, you need to forgive him 77 times.” In other words, “My disciples forgive without ever stopping.” That’s when Jesus told the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant.

In this parable, two servants owed money. Servant 1 owed the king a huge amount; Servant 2 owed Servant 1 a smaller, still unpayable sum. Both pleaded for patience. The king forgave Servant 1, but Servant 1 demanded payment from Servant 2. Despite being shown grace, Servant 1 showed none in return.

We can right away see some major points Jesus is making in this story: we can never repay God for the debt we owe him due to our sins; God’s great mercy in offering us salvation through the cross of Jesus Christ, who paid our debt; and we, who have been forgiven so much by God, should be willing to forgive others. In fact, Christians should be the greatest forgivers on the planet.

Some people stumble over the last verse in the parable:

“So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18:35)

Is Jesus saying that if we don’t forgive others, we can’t be saved? Or that we can lose our salvation over a lack of forgiveness? No, he isn’t saying that at all; he is saying this is a great time to examine ourselves. If we, who have been forgiven so much, are incapable of offering that same forgiveness to those who wrong us, then have we truly experienced God’s forgiveness?

I’m not talking here about isolated incidents in your life where you struggle to forgive someone. I’m talking about a lifestyle; is it your character that whenever you are wronged, you seek revenge with no consideration at all of forgiveness? If that characterizes you, I encourage you, right now, to come before the Lord and seek his help. Someone who has truly received God’s grace will experience a changed heart so that we are able, in God’s strength, to forgive others. If you tend toward revenge and never forgiveness, please evaluate your relationship with Jesus. At the same time, forgiveness can be difficult for even the strongest believer.

Before we go further, let’s answer the question, “What exactly is forgiveness?”

Forgiveness is not forgetting what happened. Neither is it forcing yourself to believe that what was done to you wasn’t actually that bad.

First, forgiveness is accepting that what was done to you was wrong.

Second, it’s recognizing that you also have sinned and need forgiveness. This step is key: we must understand how much we’ve been forgiven.

If I pause for a moment and get my mind off what someone has done to me and instead look at how I’ve broken God’s heart, it’s easier to move to the third step – releasing myself from the need to see the other person punished.

This is forgiveness: Releasing yourself from the need to see the other person punished.

Completing the first two steps makes the third step much easier.

Maybe someone has hurt you, and that step resonates with you, because you actually do want to see them punished for what they’ve done. I’m not talking about them being legally punished; of course, if someone has broken the law, they should face justice from the legal system.

What I’m talking about is your deep-seated desire to see them suffer. That’s unforgiveness.

You may be thinking, “Richard, you have no idea what they’ve done to me.” That’s true, I don’t. But I know that God does. He knows exactly what it feels like to be wronged.

And while I may not have been hurt nearly as badly as you, I have been hurt. I’ve had friends completely turn their backs on me. I’ve had people stand up in church and lie about me to everyone in the church. And, honestly, when I would see these people around town, I’d be overcome with a strong desire to punch them in the mouth. And that desire was wrong. Dead wrong. It was sin, and only God got me past that.

Forgiveness is not excusing the wrong. Forgiveness is not forgetting. There are some things you’ll never forget and sometimes shouldn’t forget, so you can learn from the experience. Forgiveness is not necessarily reconciling with the person, though you should attempt to do so.

What forgiveness is, is saying, “I release myself from the need to see them punished.”

Maybe you’re thinking, “You want me to just forgive them and let them win?” Let me tell you when they win: when they make you hold onto the sin of unforgiveness, and it eats away at your heart.

Warren Wiersbe wrote, “The world’s worst prison is the prison of an unforgiving heart. If we refuse others, then we are only imprisoning ourselves and causing our own torment.” You may think that by not forgiving, you’re punishing the other person, but you’re only punishing yourself.

If you’ve been hurt and you’re holding onto unforgiveness, look to Jesus and see him on the cross in agony. And remember that he was paying the price for your sin. Realize that you, too, are a sinner in need of forgiveness.

Then go to God in prayer.

Pray first that God would help you to forgive. Admit that you need his help, and ask him for it. It’s amazing what God will do when we surrender to him and ask for his help.

Then pray for the person who hurt you. Put them on your prayer list and actually pray for them. God may change them! But even if not, he will most definitely change you through your prayers for them.

Don’t keep yourself in a prison of your own making. Move on from being Servant 1, and let the King make you more like himself.