- The Attitude of Gratitude
- The Lost Attitude of Contentment
- Less Anger and More Kindness
- Bringing Humility Back in Style
In our discussion of positive attitudes that need to come back in style, this one’s a change of pace. I’m not talking about a positive attitude here, but a negative one. Or at least it could be negative. It’s something that I’ve noticed more and more these days, and it’s a real problem.
I’m talking about anger.
The way I see it, we need a lot less anger and a lot more kindness in our society. In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul wrote:
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. (Ephesians 4:1-2).
and…
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)
This increase in anger came into clear focus for me in 2020. I was on social media, and it saddened me how people acted hatefully toward one another over politics, covid, you name it. I even saw Christians arguing over theological issues. Not discussing, but arguing. Hatefully. I finally removed all the social media apps from my phone.
It isn’t just on social media, though. Maybe it’s just me, but I see more and more people losing their temper in public. Sometimes they have a right to be angry, but it’s as if no one wants to control it anymore. We get angry, and we want to hurt someone, at least emotionally.
Sometimes when we’re angry, we seem to hurt the people closest to us, the ones we love the most.
When our son entered middle school, his aunt and uncle gave him a cell phone. He was so excited. But then one day he left his new phone in his pants pocket, and I found it in the bottom of the washing machine. The phone was ruined. I was so disappointed and hurt for him, because I knew he would be upset. But what did I do? I lashed out at my son. I hurt him in my anger. If any of you had left a cell phone in my washing machine, I wouldn’t have yelled at you. But I yelled at my son. When we can’t control our anger, we tend to hurt the people we love the most.
Of course, anger isn’t always a sin.
In that same chapter in Ephesians, Paul wrote:
“In your anger do not sin…” (Ephesians 4:26a)
If we’re told to “not sin” in our anger, then we can be angry without sinning. It’s okay to be angry about things that anger God. We should be angry about things that anger God.
Jesus got angry. He cleansed the temple — twice. And on another day, which happened to be a Sabbath, Jesus came across a man who needed to be healed. Jews were supposed to rest from all work on the Sabbath, and the religious leaders had decided in their great wisdom that healing was work. So healing was not allowed on the Sabbath.
That made Jesus angry! Here’s what happened next:
He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored. (Mark 3:5)
Have religious people ever made you angry? One Sunday in the town where we lived in Georgia, the city sanctioned a duathlon throughout the little downtown. I don’t know why they chose to do it on a Sunday, but the proceeds went to support the local Boys and Girls Club and the local chapters of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. So high school FCA kids were put to use by the city to direct traffic in the downtown area.
Our oldest daughter came in from directing traffic and said, “Well, I’ve never been yelled at by so many church members in my life!” Grown church people were yelling at teenagers because the teenagers might make them late for church! What is that? What does that do for the cause of Christ?
So, yes, church people can make you angry, and you wouldn’t necessarily be sinning. What else angers you that angers God? Whatever it is, let that anger motivate you to change things, fight for what’s right, to make a difference. If something angers God, it should anger us too.
Lots of times, though, our anger causes us to sin. God warns us repeatedly about that.
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. (Psalm 37:8)
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. (James 1:19-20)
Sinful anger simply does not produce the righteousness to which God calls us. Acting on that anger doesn’t help anyone, it only hurts. Your anger hurts both you and those around you.
That’s why we need to recognize our anger. We know when we’re getting angry. We can feel it in our bodies. Sometimes it happens in seconds, but it never surprises us. So recognize when it’s happening.
Then just stop it in its tracks. When you feel your anger rising, before you lash out and hurt someone, count to 10, count to 100 (I’m a parent, so I’ve counted to 100 numerous times), walk away, stop arguing on social media, eat a Snicker’s bar, whatever it takes. Recognize your anger and stop it, kill it.
And don’t excuse your anger by saying, “I can’t help it; that’s just me.” As my pastor and friend, Clark used to say, “That’s bull turkey!” Anger is not you! Maybe that was you, but if you’re a child of God, your old self is gone, and you’re a new person. You’re also not doing life alone. As a believer, you have the Holy Spirit within you, always there to help you grow in your faith and your holiness. That means he’s there to help you to avoid sinning in your anger.
Anger is an emotion, not necessarily a sin. Hurting others with that anger is a sin. What if Christians across this country decided to put sinful anger out of style? What if we made an effort to bring kindness in style? What difference would it make in your world?