Defeated, But Not Done: Finding God in Our Failures

When she was in sixth grade, our daughter was trying out for her middle school soccer team. She was a good player and fully expected to make varsity, so she was devastated when she didn’t. She would play on the junior varsity team instead. It’s always hard to watch your children face defeat, and I was even more upset than she was. Then, one Wednesday night at church, she came to me and said, “Dad, I’ve prayed about this, and I don’t know why this happened, but I’m going to focus on being the best JV player I can be.” And that’s exactly what she did. I was so proud of how she handled that defeat. Oh, and it was only a few weeks before she was playing with the varsity.

We’re talking about the times in life when we face defeat; when we’re rolling through life and we suddenly hit a roadblock, a setback, a failure. There are all kinds of losses: failing a test, being rejected by someone you care about, failing to achieve a long-term dream, losing a friendship, or not making the varsity team. One of the realities of life is that, in this fallen world, defeat is inevitable.

Sometimes, as we saw in the previous post, the defeat has nothing to do with us. Other times, though, we bring it on ourselves. Our defeat is our fault.

Maybe pride is the culprit. We think we don’t have to put in the hard work because we’re entitled to success. Everyone else has failed at this thing, but we won’t, because we’re better than them. We don’t ask for advice from others because we know it all.

Thinking there’s no way you can fail usually leads to failure. It’s like hopping in the driver’s ed car in 10^th grade, thinking you don’t have anything else to learn about driving. Then you make a left turn from the right lane on a 4-lane road. Mr. Baker had lots of patience.

The Bible has much to say about pride. Here’s one statement:

God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. (James 4:6)

It’s no fun to be resisted by God.

Pride can be a problem, but sometimes we experience defeat because we give up too soon.

When I was 10 years old, I started taking guitar lessons with Mr. Allen. I advanced to the point where my fingers couldn’t reach the chords. My parents had the neck of my Sears Roebuck guitar trimmed down twice to help, but eventually it became obvious that my fingers needed to grow before I could advance further. So, Mr. Allen suggested that I take a break from lessons while my body grew. The truth is, I was frustrated that I wasn’t already playing like Jimi Hendrix by that time, so I never went back. I gave up too soon. Never mind that I don’t have a musical bone in my body, I’m still blaming it on finger growth. So maybe this isn’t a great illustration about giving up too soon, but you get my point.

Finally, sometimes we encounter defeat because of sin. That’s a sure-fire way to experience loss.

One of the best-known stories of defeat brought on by sin is Israel’s defeat at Ai. It’s found in the seventh and eighth chapters of Joshua.

The city of Ai was next on the list for the Israelite army, following an amazing victory at Jericho. Joshua sent men to spy on Ai, and they came back and told Joshua he only needed to send 2000 to 3000 men to take the city. It would be a cake walk. Shockingly, the Israelite army was defeated, and 36 men were killed. The soldiers were afraid, the leaders were dumbfounded, and no one knew how this happened or what to do about it.

So, Joshua turned to God in prayer. There is no mention of Joshua praying before this battle. He simply responded to the spies’ suggestion and sent a few thousand men. It’s always a grave mistake to attempt something without first talking to God about it.

Once Joshua turned to the Lord, God told him that someone in the camp had sinned. It turns out that a man named Achan had broken God’s command by taking some of the spoils from Jericho despite being told not to. Achan didn’t take God seriously, but he took silver, gold, and nice clothes seriously, and it cost the entire nation.

There are times when we can trace our defeat right back to our sin. That’s why anytime we experience defeat, it’s wise to do some self-evaluation. It’s always good to ask ourselves whether there’s anything we’ve done, or failed to do, that brought on this loss. It’s good to ask God to examine our hearts and show us where we’ve fallen short:

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way. (Psalm 139:23-24)

When defeat happens, face it, learn from it, and accept responsibility for it. It never helps when we assume that failure is someone else’s fault or anything other than our fault.

There are times, though, when we allow our failure to make us feel like a failure. We realize that we’ve sinned, and we feel God’s condemnation. But “there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus,” writes Paul in Romans 8:1. Later in that same chapter, Paul reminds us that, “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Every defeat we face, even when the fault is ours, is allowed to happen because our loving Heavenly Father willed it for our ultimate good. Every defeat.

And in those times when we bring defeat on ourselves, what we experience from God isn’t condemnation, it’s discipline. There’s a huge difference between condemnation and discipline.

Remember this above all else: you are loved. And God disciplines those he loves:

My son, do not take the Lord’s discipline lightly or lose heart when you are reproved by him, for the Lord disciplines the one he loves and punishes every son he receives. (Hebrews 12:5-6).

When we mess up and hear a voice in our head saying, “You’re worthless. Look what you did. How can you ever expect success?” those words aren’t from your Father. They’re straight from your enemy, who lives to accuse and condemn you.

God doesn’t condemn us, but because he loves us, he sometimes disciplines us. He wants to protect us from the consequences of our sin. He knows what our sin can do to us and those around us, and he wants to keep us from that.

Sometimes our defeats are God’s way of saying, “I love you, and I want you to see that there are some things in your life that you need to get rid of. There are things you’re doing that you need to stop, and things you’re not doing that you need to start. You can’t see the pain your sin will cause, but I can, so let’s get rid of it.”

When we experience God’s discipline, let our prayer be something like this: “O God, I’m so grateful that even though I’ve failed you, the discipline I’m facing is a reminder of how much you love me. Help me learn and grow and become more and more like you. Thank you for your love for me and your patience with me. I surrender to you, and I ask for your strength as you shape me into the person you want me to be.”