- Backpacks and Grudges
- Choosing to Forgive
I love old movies. I love new ones, too, but I have a special affinity for movies made from the 1930s through the 1960s. I recently watched the 1966 movie, “Nevada Smith,” starring Steve McQueen. The parents of the title character, played by McQueen, are brutally tortured and murdered. McQueen becomes consumed with the need for revenge, and the movie is the story of how he tracks down the killers one by one. His whole life revolves around vengeance. He goes to great lengths to get revenge, even intentionally getting himself put in jail and allowing a young girl to die, all in the name of payback. His entire personality is warped by his need for revenge.
Grudges make great westerns, but in real life, they are like a disease that eats away at you. They destroy your joy in the Lord. They keep you from being all that God wants you to be. And they usually don’t do a thing to the person who hurt you. You’re the one who ends up hurt.
When someone causes you pain, you only have two choices. You can hold a grudge, or you can forgive. Which path you take is up to you, but I’m going to suggest that you choose forgiveness.
Please understand that when I talk about forgiveness, I don’t mean that you need to accept that what they did is okay. It may be very far from okay. What they did might be horrible, even criminal.
Neither am I saying that you should forget about the hurt. There are some things that we can’t forget. When my sister was in Pre-K, her class appeared on a TV show called “Romper Room.” I was so excited about watching my little sister on live TV. How often does that happen? Near the end of the show, the hostess started the kids on a game of musical chairs. Simple game, right? Well, my sister kept sitting down when the music stopped. I got more and more into it every round. I was nervous and excited, yelling encouragement to my sister through the TV. Then it came down to just her and a little boy. I mean, I was cheering like it was the Super Bowl. The final music started, and my sister sat down! She won! And then the hostess looked at the little kid standing beside her and said, “Congratulations, you’re our winner today!” What? I was yelling words that my parents didn’t allow me to say. You know, like “stupid” and “idiot.” I mean, how can you get the job of hosting “Romper Room” and not know how to play musical chairs?
I haven’t forgotten that. There are hurts and disappointments that you’ll never forget. I have a feeling that some of you have been hurt much worse than watching your sister get cheated on Romper Room. I’m not asking you to forget that. You might even become a better person by remembering the pain and learning from it.
When I say to forgive, I’m also not talking about going to the person, giving them a big hug, and becoming best friends. You may never end up being friends. The person may not even be alive today, so reconciliation is impossible.
I am suggesting, though, that you free yourself from the gnawing desire to see them punished. That longing for revenge is not helping you deal with the pain and disappointment. It’s damaging you more than you realize.
I’ve been hurt. I’ve been stabbed in the back. I’ve had friends completely turn their backs on me. I’ve had people stand up in a church meeting and tell a bald-faced lie about me to everyone in the room.
For me, forgiveness of these people didn’t come quickly or easily. Years later, I would see some of these people around town and all I wanted to do was punch them in the nose. I had to spend a lot of time with God, asking for his help. It’s amazing what God can do in our hearts if we allow him to. My process of forgiveness of others began as God reminded me that he has forgiven me. How, then, could I not forgive those who had hurt me far less than I’ve hurt God?
Our example is Jesus. When he was on the cross, Jesus not only suffered the horrible pain of crucifixion, but he also felt the weight of our sins. My sins and your sins. His own Father turned his back on him. As he hung there in pain, he said these words:
“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)
Jesus looked down at those who were killing him, and he chose to forgive. I want to be like that.
How about you? Who has hurt you, and you want them to get paid back for it? Who has caused you pain, and you want vengeance? God isn’t calling on you to accept that what they did is okay. You don’t necessarily need to forget what they did. You don’t have to be their best friend.
But for your sake, allow your Father to free you from your need to see them punished. Right where you are, call their names, and say, “I release you. My life will not revolve around you. I no longer need to see you suffer.” Surrender all of that pain and anger and bitterness to God, and he will begin to do some incredible work in your heart. Set aside your grudge, and experience the freedom of offering forgiveness.